Do we really want to get better?The uncomfortable benefits of being ill (and what our identity fears)

The benefits of illness. Sounds absurd, doesn't it? 🤯

Because when we ask you directly, you answer without hesitation: ‘Of course I want to be healthy. Who doesn't?’

Exactly. On a conscious level, everything is clear, elegant and correct. Health, vitality, energy, fitness, long walks, dancing in the kitchen and morning coffee without back pain.

But our biology... Oh, it doesn't work according to social declarations.

It is not interested in what is appropriate. It does not listen to wishes or affirmations from Instagram. It does not participate in the competition for ‘the most motivated person to recover’.

It only checks one thing: What is the emotional truth? That is: what is really safer for me... health or illness?

And this is where the less romantic but extremely fascinating part of the story begins.

When illness turns out to be... the solution

Let's pause for a moment. Have you ever experienced the following:

– You caught a cold just before a family gathering that you didn't feel like going to? – you ‘accidentally’ twisted your knee just when your frustration at work reached apocalyptic levels? – you got a migraine just when you had to bring up a difficult topic with your partner?

Coincidence? Or rather a brilliant, albeit somewhat devious, protective system?

Because illness — apart from pain, discomfort and prescriptions — can give you something else:

• attention • care • an excuse • exemption from duties • the right to rest • an emergency exit

And suddenly: — someone notices you — someone sympathises with you — someone cares about you — someone listens to you

Nice. Warm. Safe.

And this is where the dangerous elegance of this situation begins... Because the brain learns a new equation:

Deteriorating health = greater closeness, more attention, less loneliness.

And this equation can be addictive. More so than sugar, Netflix and a toxic ex-partner combined.

Who will I be when I'm no longer sick?

This is one of the most difficult questions we can ask ourselves.

Working in the field of Biodecoding and Recall Healing, you often hear people say:

‘Who will I be when I no longer have this illness?’ ‘What will I build my identity on?’ ‘Will anyone still notice me?’ ‘Will I still be needed?’

I know the story of a man with MS who for years functioned almost exclusively through the prism of his illness. The progress was enormous. Until the moment when internal resistance appeared:

‘I don't want to get better. Because then I'll have to live.’

Because health means responsibility. It means change. It means stepping out of your role. It means abandoning familiar patterns — even if they are uncomfortable, they are still... familiar.

And sometimes that hurts more than the symptom itself.

A concrete example? Here you go. How the body protects itself - in style 🍸

Let's take a topic that can be sensitive but is extremely telling: being overweight.

From a Biodecoding perspective, it's not always just a matter of food. It's often a biological shield. Armour. A safety wall.

Examples?

1. Being overweight as protection against excessive sexual interest (women)

In the background, there may be experiences of boundary violations, harassment, violence, rape, personal or familial. The body chooses a strategy: ‘if I become less attractive, I will be safe’. The extra weight creates distance. A veil. A buffer. And paradoxically, it protects against further threats.

2. Excess weight as a shield against betrayal (men)

The loyalty mechanism: ‘if I am not attractive, I do not tempt or provoke, so I will not be betrayed’. The body chooses a form that minimises the risk of breaking up the relationship. A paradox? By reducing its attractiveness and the possibility of meeting anyone, it also minimises the risk of entering into a relationship — and thus potential betrayal. So the body chooses obesity as a strategy: better not to be at all than to experience the pain of betrayal.

3. Illness as a ticket to attention

A symptom gives the right to weakness, to being noticed, to care that was not there before. In illness, one can finally be important – not for one's achievements, but simply for one's existence.

4. Ailment as an excuse for life

Back pain, knee pain, heart pain... the perfect line of defence against delegations, responsibility, confrontation, decisions that hung over your head like the sword of Damocles anyway.

5. Asthma as a signal: ‘I don't have enough space to breathe’

It often occurs in people living in controlling, suffocating relationships, with a feeling that they have no right to their own space, voice or choice. The body constricts the breath because emotionally they are not allowed to ‘catch their breath’.

6. Back pain as the burden of responsibility

‘Everything is on my shoulders,’ ‘I have to be strong,’ ‘without me, it will all fall apart’ — the spine becomes a metaphor for carrying other people's emotions, problems and responsibilities. Illness permits to put down this burden finally.

7. Skin problems as a wall separating you from the world

The skin — a boundary. When relationships hurt, when contact hurts, the body creates visible armour. Acne, psoriasis and atopic dermatitis can be a manifestation of ‘don't touch me,’ ‘don't come near me.’

8. Intestinal diseases as an inability to digest a situation

IBS, constipation, diarrhoea, inflammation — when emotions are too difficult to digest, the body takes over the narrative. It is biology saying, ‘I can't take this anymore.’

The body does not choose randomly. It chooses what seems safest at the moment.

Illness as a trademark

There are situations in which an ailment becomes part of one's image. It creates character. It builds recognition.

Hair loss that becomes an artistic manifesto. Vitiligo that gives a stage identity of uniqueness. An illness that makes you ‘somebody.’

And although it sounds controversial, it is sometimes thanks to it that we feel visible.

And visibility is a very expensive currency.

Do you really want to get better?

This question is not an accusation. It is an invitation.

An invitation to have an honest conversation with yourself:

What does being ill give me? What does it free me from? What does it protect me from? What need can I not fulfil in any other way?

Because as long as the benefits of illness outweigh the benefits of health, the healing process will be blocked. Out of love. Out of loyalty. Out of fear. Out of a need to belong.

Health as maturity

Being healthy is not just about the absence of symptoms. It is about agreeing to live without masks. It is about being ready for authenticity. It is about allowing yourself to take responsibility for your emotions and boundaries.

Health requires courage. Illness often gives you a break.

The question is... how long do you want to take advantage of it?

A little reflective exercise

Take two A4 sheets of paper.

On one, write: ‘My life with symptoms’ On the other: ‘My life without symptoms’

Stand on each of them in turn and notice: – what you feel in your body – what thoughts arise – what future you see

Then look at both from a distance. Without judgement. With curiosity.

Because the greatest healing power is not struggle. It is awareness.

And love.

And now, be brave. No sugarcoating. No spiritual frills.

Because sometimes illness becomes more than just a solution. It becomes a shield. An excuse. A bargaining chip. A pass to a softness we never allowed ourselves before.

Sometimes it allows us to finally say, ‘I don't have the strength.’ Sometimes, thanks to it, we finally don't have to be strong. Sometimes the symptom becomes the only moment when the world stops and someone says, ‘Sit down, rest, I'll take care of you.’

And suddenly a question arises, as uncomfortable as tight jeans after Christmas: Do I really want this to go away? Or am I more afraid of life without this protective shell?

Because if I recover, I will have to: – set boundaries, – take responsibility, – change relationships, – stop sacrificing myself to the point of pain, – leave the role of victim, – face the truth.

And that's already master level. Not everyone today wants such an upgrade of their existence.

Sometimes illness protects us from conflicts we cannot resolve. From decisions we put off for years. From freedom, which, paradoxically, is more frightening than a cage.

Because health is not always comfortable. Health requires courage, authenticity and a willingness to accept that not everyone will be happy with the new version of you.

And yes, it's not a spiritual spa with aromatherapy and Tibetan singing bowls. It's a process of maturing.

So instead of just asking, ‘Why did I get sick?’ perhaps it's worth asking:

Is illness protecting me from something bigger? From the life that has been calling me for a long time? From my own truth?

Because being healthy means allowing yourself to be yourself. Without a script of suffering. Without a role learned over generations. Without a contract for loneliness disguised as heroism.

And this is where the real transformation begins. Not when you want to ‘get rid of the symptom’. But when you have the courage to see what that symptom gives you. And ask yourself in a whisper – or very loudly:

Am I ready to live differently?

Because health is not a state. It is a decision. Every day. Sometimes uncomfortable. Always true.

✺

You can always refuse to let illness play the leading role in your life. You can always change the narrative. You can always choose differently.

The decision is yours. Today. Tomorrow. Right now.

And if this text has struck a chord with you, look at it with tenderness. Sometimes it is this that leads to true healing.